March 29, 2019
Decided to clear out old entries and to turn this into a series of articles where I express my inner thoughts to keep myself from going mad. Having paid for the hosting of this website for years and by hosting it on posthaven it should be available for a long time. Very possibly longer than I will be alive.
The beginning of stories always ends up being poorly written or cringy. I don't think I'll be able to avoid it.
Today is not a particularly special day, I don't recall anything important ever happening in my life on March 29th, and that's perfect. Any day that shares itself with another event always ends up being overshadowed in one way or another. This is no exception.
My father always wanted to write about his life. He would go on and on about how he didn't know where to start. One time he recorded himself talking for awhile. I wish I knew where that recording was. He was legit the smartest idiot to ever exist. He had more degrees than anyone I've ever met. He went to brooklyn law and passed in the bar in New York. Lived over 25 years longer than doctors told him he would. He was really good at losing money though and never seemed to be able to get ahead. People have told me that they seem him in me. Knowing they mean it as a compliment I would always thank them with a smile. There's a hard truth that keeps that from being true however. I'm not as smart as he was. No matter what anyone says I'll never be. He worked hard. Me? Not so much.
I feel like nothing I ever do will be worthwhile. I feel like everytime I pour my soul into something I'm met with mediocre results, but even when everything feels pointless and I just want to end it all I snap out of it at the last moment and try again.
At least I inherited his stubbornness.
March 29, 2019