July 31, 2019
Recent times have been a big oof and I haven't felt up to writing entries. I've been unable to find work and was barely able to cover my rent for August. With $24 in my bank account I have no idea where I'm going to get the $300 I need for September's rent let alone money to eat.
I hadn't mentioned it previously, but earlier this year I was in a car accident. I'm severely indebted and was unable to qualify for enough credit to get a new car so I've been slowly, but surely depleting my savings while I look for somewhere to work within walking distance.
Nothing I do seems to improve my situation, and I feel as if I'm in a constant state of lying to my loved ones to keep them from worrying. Is there even anything I can do? I ruined my relationships with my old roommates by not covering the entirety of my rent at my last apartment for months, and I'm worried it's going to happen again. As soon as I can I'll pay everyone back, but every day it becomes a deeper and deeper hole. The deeper it gets the less light there seems to be to keep me hopeful.
Not everything is terrible. I'm not bored. I work on projects. I make things and I've gotten pretty decent at ripping assets from games. My girlfriend is incredible, and is the piece holding everything together for me.
I'm at a cross roads. I need money, but I'm not willing to do anything evil to get it, but if I don't start making something I'm going to starve. I want to go on being creative. Will I be able to figure out a way to do that? There are trips I want to go on like to twitchcon, my friend's wedding, and my cousin's graduation. Will I be able to manage any of that?